As a pastor, I am constantly demonized for not having grace. For example, when I explained to people at the church a few years ago that God’s Word says that women should not teach men in the church; the teaching office is reserved for men. A few people said “that might be true but you should have grace.” Is that really how the word “grace” is meant to be used?
If that is your definition of “grace” you are defining “grace” as “let people disobey God.” How does Scripture define “grace”? When John says “grace and truth came through Jesus Christ”, did he mean “the willingness to let people sin and truth came through Jesus Christ”? Or when Paul says “it is by grace you have been saved, through faith” did he mean “it is by God letting you sin that you have been saved, through faith”?
Grace is more like Ephesians 4.32: be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ forgave you. I’m forgiven, so I will forgive others. I’m a sinner, so I will love other sinners. I sinned against God, and He loved me, so I will love those who sin against me. And at the same time, “the grace of God…trains us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions” (Titus 2.11-12). The grace of God does not let me keep being disobedient, but helps me out of it. God does not show grace to me by simply being nice to me, but by dealing with my sin on the cross and really loving me fully.